Be your own life coach

How You Can Benefit From Self-Coaching

Wherever you look, whatever networking event you attend, there is always someone promoting their coaching services. But what exactly is coaching and how can you benefit from hiring a coach? Can you do it yourself? Yes, you read that correctly! There is such a thing as self-coaching.

Just talking to someone else can help you make sense of the world around you. And, crucially, the world you have inside your head. But some people talk. And some don't think it helps. Not until they try!

Some charities base their work on listening. Because it really does help to be heard. Or simply to hear the words coming out of your own mouth.

But before we look at what coaching is, let’s look at what coaching isn't and how it compares with other, related services.

Counselling/Therapy

The NHS website describes counselling as a talking therapy that involves a trained therapist listening to you and helping you find ways to deal with emotional issues.

You are encouraged to talk about your feelings and emotions. The therapist can then help you gain a better understanding of your feelings and thought processes. And help you find your own solutions to your problems. But they will not usually give advice or tell you what to do.

Mentoring

Mentoring is a form of training and learning designed to support personal or professional development. Mentors are usually more experienced than mentees. The relationships are based on trust; and the knowledge and support the mentor can pass onto to their less experienced mentee.

This might be in a work setting. But business leaders can also engage mentors who are more experienced to help secure insights into how to run their business more effectively. While young people might seek mentorship to develop their future careers. In fact, anyone can take on a mentor to advance their skills and knowledge, based on the real-life experience of others. Mentorship is usually free of charge.

Coaching

Your coach, like you, isn’t necessarily an expert in the field you're looking to improve. Coaching is based on having excellent listening skills and a good questioning technique rather than specialist knowledge.

Your coach will never tell you what to do. But by asking the right questions and exploring multiple options in a non-judgmental (and confidential way) will help you to understand:

• What you can do.

• What you thought you wanted to do but find out actually wasn’t quite what you thought.

• What you don't want to have in your life anymore.

Implicit in the coaching process is accountability. You’ve agreed on a set of goals and actions with an expert coach. You feel an obligation to meet them. You are also paying for the service, which acts as extra motivation!

But if you can’t afford a personal coach, how can you use coaching techniques to help you move forward in your life? This is where self-coaching comes in. Let’s take a look at how it works.

How to use self-coaching to become our own teacher

What do you want?

1. First, you need to define the outcome, goal or final destination that you are aiming for. No matter how distant or surreal it might appear! Just picture it for now. Think about it. Imagine you're already there! One year from now, five years from now? No matter how bonkers the idea might sound... Give yourself a few minutes to really get into it. How important is it for you to get there? WRITE IT DOWN!

2. Now, working backwards from this point, identify the stepping-stones that will get you there. What do they look like? What will you need to achieve to get to your final place?

3. How will you feel if you don't achieve your goal or get to your ideal life in the future?

4. If you could have the life you imagined right now, would you take it?

5. Who is in control of making this happen?

Where are you now?

1. What is happening right now in your life?

2. What is stopping you from getting what you want?

3. What is outside your control on this path to your final destination?

4. What obstacles might prevent you from reaching your goal?

5. What resources and help do you have currently? And what will you need?

6. Think about a time in your life where you faced similar challenges. What can you take from that situation and use to help you today? What strengths shine through?  

What can you do?

This is my favourite part of the coaching process. Exploring options about what you can do to get to your ideal place.

Here, you really need to get creative and write down everything that comes to mind. Yes, WRITE IT DOWN! This is important because you need to be able to refer back to your original ideas when you want to know what to do next. Write down around 30-50 options, no matter how crazy they are (and how 'painful' the process might be).

1. What can you do?

2. What will take you closer to what you want?

3. What would you tell your best friend to do if they were in the same situation as you?

4. What would your role model say to you?

5. What if you already knew the answer – what would it be?

Don't forget to list as many options as you can. Even if you know you will never do them. At least you can eliminate those that are less achievable. And you never know – one day they might be just the right thing!

I was coached on relationships. For weeks I wrote down ‘online dating’ only to cross it off as an option until I had no other options. Then I met my boyfriend through online dating –  a year ago!! So don't be afraid to write down whatever comes to mind.

What will you do?

Now that you’ve explored lots of different options it's time to choose The One!

Look at your list and pick one that you think will take you closer to your desired outcome. Pick one that feels right. Next to it write down:

1. Exactly when and how will you do it.

2. What do you need to do to make it happen?

3. Who can you ask for support (if you need it)?

4. What might stop you? Even if you can't think of anything, always make a Plan B.

5. How motivated you are about starting this journey.

6. How committed you are to keep going?

Some final thoughts

Not every coach is going to approach this exercise the same way. There are all sorts of different coaching methods and styles. But if you want to get going and can't afford a personal coach, this is a good way to use the self-coaching model to overcome personal or professional challenges and help you move towards your goals.

Self-coaching works best if you are highly motivated. But it’s based on the understanding that no one knows you better than yourself. Given the right tools, you can use the curiosity and natural aptitude for learning that we all have to find solutions to the challenges you face in life.

I hope this post gives you the incentive to make a start towards achieving your perfect life.

Drop me a line if you would like a chat about how I can help you with a personalised coaching programme or get you started on the self-coaching path.