What are People Skills Part II - Non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication

For most of us, it’s hard to grasp and understand what we can’t see. The same applies not only to mental health but also to non-verbal communication.

Even when we see and hear something, there is still doubt and everything is susceptible to misinterpretation. And so non-verbal communication can be misunderstood in many ways.

There are many books and videos about non- verbal clues. And rightly so! Did you know that in any conversation, the words don’t hold as much meaning as everything else?

Maybe you don’t realise it, until you read a text or an email, translate it the way that matches your current emotional state and act accordingly – often assuming the worst.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read something, got upset only to find out I was wrong. And this is what makes non-verbal communication so important.

Naturally, we read the clues without even knowing. When the words and body language, tone and everything else is aligned we don’t even think about it. It’s when something doesn’t ‘feel’ quite right we get confused and we start concentrating on the words. And what they mean, rather than taking the whole concept into consideration.

One perfect example is “How ya’ doin?” Not only popular sentence Joe Tribbiani uses in 90’s sit com Friends but how often you ask a stranger ‘How are you?’ without really meaning it, yet when you ask someone, you care about and you want to know, your tone of voice changes. Pay attention to it next time and let me know in the comments how you get on 😊.

If you were looking for hard evidenced body language clues, then I’m sorry, but you’re not going to find them here, or anywhere else. We all have set of behaviours that are unique. And even though some might be similar, it’s the changes you’re looking for. Not really the specific behaviour everyone has. Therefore, knowing people around you and paying attention is so important to be able to spot any changes in behaviour, posture, tone and pitch of the voice, speed at which they’re talking.

My theory is, that the reason why mums always know is because we spend a long-time observing children from when they’re born. We can identify their different cries, movements, and behaviours and so, when they’re old enough to hide something or lie, we know. We know because their behaviour changes. It’s the small things like scratching head when stressed or nervous or pulling hear, biting a lip…

As adults, we don’t often have time to observe someone for hours on end only to be able to find out when they lie or when they might need extra support.

In the workplace, however, this information can help you to identify when someone is struggling or under pressure.

And what do you do with the information?

You ask!

“You seem different/stressed/sad, is everything ok? Is there anything I can do to help?”

Most people don’t ask for help until it’s too late. Not verbally. They do so with their behaviour. Little ‘cries’ for help. Why? Just think about why you don’t ask for help until you’re too far up in a problem. For me, it’s not wanting to appear weak. Even though I realise that we all have different strengths. And, weak points. Understanding those and identifying teams individual and collective strengths and weaknesses can help you to create a better and stronger team that will help each other.

Get to know your team on individual basis. What are they good at? Where they lack skill or ability? Who else has it instead? Get to know people so you see when they’re on top form but also when they’re not. So, you can pick up on those non- verbal clues that will help you to provide the right support at the right time.

Don’t wait for people to ask for help. Because when they do, it’s usually a bit late. Or even better, create an environment where people will feel confident and comfortable to ask for it. Where they won’t be judged or ridiculed but instead supported.

Your own body language

We spoke about others, but I can’t leave you out. Just like you read others, whether consciously or subconsciously, others will read you too. Make sure, that your body language reflects on what you’re saying. People will know when you’re out of line. Even if they won’t be able to say exactly what’s happening, the clues will be there. Adapt honest and open communication to help you avoid ‘gut’ feelings that lead to assumptions instead of solutions.